With the start of a new year came a new job opportunity for me. I had felt like any normal person would: excited, nervous, and anxious to start my new position. Everything seemed to be falling into place and I was very optimistic about my future. Unfortunately, those feelings didn’t last long and drastically declined for reasons unknown. I started my days waking up to an indescribable feeling of depression and anxiety. I began to constantly question my existence and purpose in life. Why would I feel this way when I have been blessed with a wonderful life? Why were things not working out like I planned? I went to school and now I have a job, why am I not satisfied? Why did I even bother going to college and getting a degree at all? These were the questions that consumed my thoughts everyday for the past 5 months.
When I finally hit my breaking point and made the decision to put my career on hold, there was a weight lifted off of my shoulders. I had a sense of relief and I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Deciding to quit my job was one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. The fear of being perceived as a failure was overwhelming, and the thought of disappointing my family was terrifying. Just because things were going bad wasn't a reason to just give up, was it? I’m an adult, I have to make my own money, and I have to be independent. The last thing on earth I wanted to do was have to rely on my parents again. But the depression began to take over and I couldn't pretend that I was okay anymore. It had become something bigger than me.
After facing my fears and admitting that I couldn't fight this battle on my own, my family sat me down and told me that I didn't have to go through this alone anymore. They reminded me that my happiness should always come first and that the fear of feeling lost should not discourage me from finding my true self. So I took a big leap of faith and started a reflection period in my life. My road to self-discovery began on June 1st, 2016...
"When I discover who I am, I'll be free" - Ralph Ellison