Lately I've been asked why I named my blog Beeing Jess, so today I thought I would share the meaning behind it. Growing up did you ever have a special person you greatly admired? Well for me that special someone was my Aunt Bee. She was the most beautiful, intelligent, and caring person I have ever known. As a kid I only saw her once in a while because she lived in Redondo Beach, CA. I realize now that it’s only an hour away, but my 5-year-old self felt like it was another state away (lol silly me). I couldn't wait for the days she would come visit and have a new toy to give me! Our time together meant everything to me. When it was time for us to say goodbye she would tell me "see you later alligator," and I would respond “in a while crocodile.” As she drove away I anticipated the next time I would see her again.
Eventually she moved back into the area and I was ecstatic to have her so close to me. I loved sitting outside enjoying her company as she smoked her cigarettes. We would talk for hours about anything that came to mind. Our relationship grew closer as I became older. But one day everything drastically changed. When I was 15 my Aunt Bee suddenly passed away. It was the first big loss that I had ever experienced in my life. It was hard for me to comprehend why this happened at a time when I was just starting to have a “grown up” relationship with her. I had just begun to really get to know her, how could this happen?
Everyday since her passing I try to live in her memory. I wouldn't be the person I am without her influence on my life. Her smile lit up a room and her laugh was contagious. Her beauty was out of this world; she was perfect in my eyes. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her and all our memories together. I know she is always with me as I go through life. There are moments when I can smell her cigarette smoke and I know that’s her way of letting me know she is still around. Or when a random bee flies on my windshield while I'm driving (which is quite often) I know that’s her telling me everything will be okay. I feel her guiding me through this journey giving me the sense of inner peace that I need to continue on.
I have found inspiration through her to write about and share myself with others. My Aunt Bee was an extraordinary woman that I miss dearly. Beeing Jess is my way of carrying on and living in her memory. I just hope I've made her proud so far <3